Yes, I would change my child

Our family has autism

In a heartbeat

autismThis is not a happy blog, this was written on a bad day and while I understand most will disagree with my statements, it is how I feel and you can judge as you will but until you have lived with my daily struggle you who will judge have absolutely no idea what it is like

There are many families in the world with one or more autistic children. It is an extremely hard thing to deal with because not every child is the same. There are some characteristics that are the same no matter the child, but many do different things, many react differently to outside world triggers. Some children need extreme strict structure in their daily world while others don’t seem to notice at all if there is a change in their routine.

My son for example, is a go with the flow kind of autistic child but he does have a daily routine when he gets to school and at bedtime we have a small routine we follow but that is more for me than it is for him. The bedtime routine keeps me balanced and believing that there is some sort of normal life happening in my house.

There are many parents who have loudly and proudly said they wouldn’t change their autistic child for the world, so much so that there are even tshirts, cups, hats and tattoos stating ” I wouldn’t change you for the world, but for you I would change the world”. I am not one of those parents. I would change my child in a heartbeat if there was a way to do it. My son will never advance past a second grade mindset, if even that far advanced, he will never ride a bike, never tie his own shoes, never be comfortable getting a haircut, never mow the lawn, never be able to go fishing on his own, never drive, never have a girl break his heart, never find a girl to replace all the others beyond compare, never truly graduate high school, never attend college, never cook for himself, never live on his own, never this, never that, never, never, never.

What my son will do is talk with an extreme limited amount of words that most people can not understand, have daily meltdowns because he cannot communicate his needs or his thoughts, he will play on the laptop watching videos and movies without help from me. He will give hugs when he feels like it which isn’t all that often and he will always be with me and when I am no longer around he will be with his sister. By the time my son is done growing, I will have a 6’2, 250 pound three year old in my house, who will still require me to help him shower and tie his shoes, who will still require me to brush his teeth (if he will let me) who will still have meltdowns where he screams and throws things.

So yes, very much yes I would change my child even if it was just a little further up the scale because his autism not only affects him, it affects the entire family even though at this moment I am doing it all on my own. It affects my work schedule, it affects whether I get homework done or not in a timely manner..this term has been hard. I don’t think I have turned in a single assignment on time and they have all been poorly done because my son has started to hit puberty and that in itself is creating a whole new problem set along side the daily problems we are already used to.

Yes, I would change my child…in a heartbeat

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